i can't take no more

i just can't.

i have no idea what the fuck is supposed to be going on in this story i just read. and it's from a peer, and i read it and read it and ask myself what the fuck is going on over and over again.

i'm going to snap from all this reading and criticizing and trying so hard to find good things to say and trying to figure out what the fuck the author was even trying to do. it's so much better when i at least have a letter of intent.

i don't want to read no more. no more.

all this reading and criticizing and trying to be sensitive to people's feelings, it's draining the life right out of me. i am tired of being in this position. i understand it's my job as a teacher, and i can accept that drain, along with the rewards, but jesusfuckingchrist have i had more than enough of workshops of my peers.

i feel ground down. i can barely stand to look at print.

i also have to reread 7 cnf 9L submissions for Tuesday to make final decisions there.

let's not forget i read for fiction too and they are likely to dump 4+ stories in my box at the drop of a hat for Tuesday as well.

and what do i have to do with these essays and stories but the same shit i do in class, criticize, read carefully, and heaven forbid i should fail to point out what these authors are doing right even if i don't think we should take a piece, even though the author is not there to hear it. it's just not nice if i don't.

it's too motherfucking much.

my head is going to cave in.

:(