Notes from a Cumdumpster

My lover admonishes me for judging humanity and finding it lacking. I say people are wrong, he claims evolution. I’m really not sure how a nihilist can be so judgmental himself sometimes. I subscribe to some of the same tenets. I believe life is meaningless insofar as it has no inherent meaning. But where there is no meaning, it seems to me you could try to create a little for your own life. Well, not even create meaning so much as try to enjoy what there is to enjoy, appreciate what there is to appreciate, and distance yourself from the ugly and evil.

There is so much that is ugly and evil in the world. It grates on my soul. And then, I have people attacking me for despising the evil, telling me I should ignore it or it isn’t really evil or whatever. It’s evolution. It’s biology.

It’s bullshit.

There is more than enough beauty to go around. But I do know such a world will never be. All it takes is a handful of corrupt people hungry for power and a herd of ignorant cows, ever grazing, to make things ugly and bleak.

I am the bird on the fence.

Watching, not really a part, trying to build my own nest of twigs, avoiding the evil, and occasionally swooping over the cows, pecking at their hides, telling them, look, look, listen.

Is there anyone who isn’t too cynical?

Biology biology evolution. Stupid catchphrases.

The only good line from the movie Bartleby: Hey, the rest of us are walking on two legs now. Why don’t you evolve?

Still grating on me is my femaleness in a male dominated world. As if it isn’t already hard enough to find an intelligent man of similar interests, it is almost impossible to locate one who is not vestigially a pig, only now with science and bullshit logic on his side.

I can barely stand to be a part of the internet community anymore because it hurts me to see otherwise intelligent individuals harping on bullshit, constantly bringing up porn as a god-given right, crying that prostitution should be legalized, regulated, and taxed.

No girl ever said, “I want to be a prostitute when I grow up.”

What is this god-given male right to have women as objects for him to come on/in?

Show me a prostitute who really wanted to be a prostitute and I’ll empty my bank account and hand it over. These women have been raped and damaged and many forced and sold into prostitution. Their high school counselors did not suggest it as a vocation.

And what good has ever come of pornography? Has it bettered relations between the sexes? Hardly. Is it impossible for a man to ejaculate without it? Hardly. I see it seeping into men’s brains, filling them with false ideas of what women are, prodding misogyny. And then what? Some women are cumdumpsters and some are not? That’s some nice cognitive dissonance to keep running, a counter, this woman is a cumdumpster, that one is a worthwhile human being. Right. Yeah, I believe you can keep that up, that it never bleeds over.

And what do women do? Why, often enough, we play into it or at least look the other way. You’ve taught us well to keep out mouths shut.

But I should not even think about these things. They do not concern me, and it is all evolution and biology anyway. I’ve certainly never had a man who supposedly cared for me treat me like a cumdumpster out of the blue. Neither have my friends. Ah, man, why am I bothering to lie? Secretly, we’re just all whores who love to get fucked, by anybody, anytime, in every way imaginable. We feed on degradation.